Sunday, July 28, 2013

What’s Your Kink? For Lovers of #BDSM and non-Vanilla Sex

Whether or not you consider yourself a kinky girl (or guy), if you read kink, you must have your favorite or favorites. Fess up. Some books do it for you and others may make your skin crawl. That’s cool. Different strokes for different folks and all.

If you’re a fan of this subgenre what elements do you look for in books? If you’re a writer, do you like to explore the lighter side of BDSM or the darker, more edgy side in your books? As a writer, I'd love to know what readers like and don't like.

Spanking, bondage, the power exchange between a Dom and his submissive, a female Domme and male sub, MM, FF, or a combination ménage, fireplay, needle or knife play, electrical shock, humiliation, voyeurism and a variety of role playing scenes. There are so many flavors in the BDSM world.

With a little imagination and a like-minded couple, sex (or erotic books) never has to be boring!

EMERALD DUNGEON Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m2XWIKl_D7Y

Personally, I like reading a variety from light to dark and edgy, but I tend to write on the lighter side. Although, I think a few scenes may be considered a little dark. Even if I read the hardcore BDSM with one eye open, I’m fascinated and love this genre, and if the writing is good, intrigued by the connection between the characters.

Some authors prefer to stay out of the club scene and write a more personal story behind closed doors. That’s cool, I love those stories and I’ve written both club and private scenes. There’s a different dynamic in a club scene, a potential for conflict not found in a bedroom scene. Although, there is potential conflict galore in the bedroom too! I do like the voyeuristic edge in a club as I confess to being a bit of a voyeur.

Last year I attended Dr. Charley Ferrer’s BDSM Writer’s Workshop in NYC and visited Paddles, a BDSM club. I had my voyeuristic side gratified during these nights. Some scenes were easier to watch than others. A few like needle play in intimate areas I couldn’t watch at all. A scene between a Sadist and his lovely Masochist was compelling and I was riveted at first. I sat on a restraining bed watching (no I wasn’t restrained) as the scene developed, but after a while, I had to quietly walk out. It was much too intense for me. I did get a glimpse of what someone looks and acts like in subspace—a few people. A quick description would be a cross between a runner’s high and slightly drunk.

Research in books could never compare to attending these nights at the club and my own personal experience with a Domme. Yes, why pass up an opportunity like this? MaryAnn, a sweet Domme volunteered to demo a flogger on me. Bared from the waist up, I faced the St. Andrew’s Cross. She started out with light strokes and increased the intensity. Periodically, she stopped and checked in on me. I told her she could go harder. I wanted to feel the pain to better describe it in my books. I think I was able to go further than expected probably because I was in a loft area, looking down at all of the wonderful people, totally amazed and very distracted. I did say I’m a bit of a voyeur, maybe more than a bit. J My session finished with MaryAnn and I had my memory and research for my books, and the next day quite a few bruises.

The warm and wonderful people were so open and friendly and willing to share their thoughts and experiences and welcomed my questions. I greatly appreciate their kindness.

BDSM books by Kathy Kulig:

 Emerald Dungeon


DESERT OF THE DAMNED, Book 1 Demons in Exile series (BDSM elements)

DAMNED AND DESIRED, Book 2 Demons in Exile series (BDSM elements)

DAMNED AND DEFIANT, Book 3 Demons in Exile  series (BDSM elements)

“Tattoo Witch” in SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES, Vol I

SUMMER SINS – Coming soon


 CLICK TO TWEET this article

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

Reading you, I imagine that book writing may be a pretext to experience these borderline fantasies rather than the other way around. So I think the journey from softcore to hardcore could be interesting, and happen from the perspective of a writer who chose the BDSM genre after reading shades of grey but doesn't completely face her own desires at first (education, ambivalent first experience, etc.) and progressively reveals her darker side. With the eternal question "how far will she go?" But with a nice twist: How far can the reader follow her? ;)

Cris Anson said...

Loved your take on erotic romance of the BDSM variety. And I mean variety! I love reading about all kinds of kinks. And your Emerald Dungeon is a great example of kinkiness within a developing romance. Come to think of it, your Damned series is great too :-)

Kathy Kulig said...

Thank you, Anonymous for your thought provoking comment. The BDSM books I have out now, were written before the fabulous 50Shades hoopla. How far will I go? My imagination can take me where ever it pleases. And readers can discover my journeys in the next book. My Dh basks in my success and benefits greatly from my "research". :)

Kathy Kulig said...

Thanks, Cris. You're a sweetheart. I do like reading and writing a variety of kink too. :)

Kayelle Allen said...

Have been a fan of yours for many years Kathy. You always know the right buttons to push in your books. Newer authors could certainly learn a few things from you. Including a certain unnamed "famous" copycat of all things sparkly. ;)

Kathy Kulig said...

Thanks, Kayelle. ;) Fan of your books too. Thanks for the kind comments.

Debra Glass said...

I've gotta put this book on my reading list! Great post, Kathy!

Kathy Kulig said...

Thanks so much, Debra!

Trillium said...

I think reading 50 Shades would turn you OFF from writing BDSM! Loved your description of your flogging event. You're strong to be able to research like that. I look forward to reading your book and added it to my Goodreads TBR list! Good luck with it.

Dr. Charley Ferrer said...


Kathy,

I’m so pleased to hear about your experience during the BDSM FOR WRITERS event last year. As you know, I’m always curious about what people experienced and how they internalized that experience; especially when I’m the host of the event. I did observe the scene you and Maryann shared. It was quite lovely! Unbeknownst to you, I had approached Maryann as she stepped back from checking in with you to remind her that you were new to Flogging. Maryann assured me she was checking in with you continuously and you were enjoying yourself—She is such a wonderful Domme!

As you stated, it is amazing to not only allow your voyeuristic tendencies to emerge but to enjoy them while undergoing a submissive experience. It actually takes the experience to an entirely different level. I’m also pleased that you have taken that experience and share it with your readers in your continued writings of Dominance and submission novels.

As “anonymous” alluded to, there are so many authors out there in this post 50 Shades era that are jumping on the bandwagon to writing BDSM novels—most without ever doing their research or obtaining education in the subject. I’m please do know, that though you have been writing in this genre for several years, you chose to attend my event—BDSM FOR WRITERS—to enhance your knowledge and open your mind to further understanding and education. That is the sign of a truly gifted author!

Live with passion,

Doctor Charley…

Marie Tuhart said...

Kathy, your book is on my TBR now, love the book trailer. I wrote my first books knowing very little about the lifestyle, but then my are very light BDSM. I started researching and one of these day's I'll get to NY to attended Dr. Charley's conference. Great blog.

Kathy Kulig said...

Thank you, Trillium. I'm glad you enjoyed hearing about my experience. Happy reading. Thanks too for adding my book to your TBR pile. :)

Kathy Kulig said...

Dr. Charley, Thank you so much. The BDSM for Writer's workshop was amazing and has helped my writing immensely as I continue to learn. I enjoyed every aspect of the event.

Yes, Maryann is truly a wonderful Domme and I did enjoy my experience. The workshop is the ideal place to learn about the genre if you want to write BDSM. Writers are letting their readers down if they don't thoroughly research this lifestyle for their books.

I look forward to the BDSM for Writers event next year. And since you didn't post a link: http://www.bdsmforwriters.com/Conferences.html

Kathy Kulig said...

Marie, Thanks! So glad you enjoyed the post. Thanks for adding the book to your TBR pile too. :) And yes! Go to the workshop. You'll love it. I started out adding a few BDSM elements in my books as I was learning. The workshop made a huge difference.

Jennifer Kacey said...

I love that BDSM has something for everyone that isn't strictly vanilla minded. :) Some just want to read about it, the reality of it is too intense/scary to physically attempt anything in the real world. But for me, I like everything from the lighter side to the super edgy and I'm a hands on girl for research purposes. Feeling it, experiencing it, hearing it...wow...that is SO AWESOME!!!

Desiree Holt said...

I totally disagree with comment #1. Fifty Shades had N OTHING todo with my written. I was writing D/s books. I was writing those stores 6 years before that book came out. So it certainly didn't d a thing for exposing my real desires. They were already there when I began verbalizing them through my stories. Wowl. Get a life! Really.

Dr. Charley Ferrer said...

The greatest beauty to Dominance & submission is the fact that there are so many levels to it. Unfortunately, the general public knows only the misconceptions and exaggerations the media portrays of men and women who only want to whip and chain each other. When the truth is, many in the lifestyle never touch a Flogger or Whip and their relationship is based solely on service to their partner—much like a traditional 1940’s husband and wife dynamic.

There is so much to learn about Dominance and submission that I invite readers to join us for the BDSM FOR WRITERS event August 23-25in NYC (this year or next) and/or to read my book, BDSM THE NAKED TRUTH. Available on my website www.bdsmforwriters.com or through Amazon.

There are so many ways to share love and affection with your partner, Dominance and submission is merely one more alternative.

Live with passion,

Doctor Charley…

Kathy Kulig said...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Jennifer. I too, like a full range from light to edgier reads

Kathy Kulig said...

Hi Desiree, I love your books and their authenticity. Very hot, emotional and romantic.

Kathy Kulig said...

Thanks, Dr. Charley. I love your books and how they explain D/s. I keep them by my desk for reference. The BDSM Writers Event I highly recommend. The most fun I ever had researching a book. :)

Monica Hargrove said...

I don't know if what I like is BDSM or not. I don't think of it as it though. For me personally, I like spanking, hair pulling, dirty talk, being held down(but not tied up!), anal. Sometimes name calling. I guess dominance really. I also like a bit of voyeurism. But only in the bedroom! A nice reminder of it outside the bedroom every once in a while is fine, but I don't want to engage in it 24/7. But the other fact is, is that I have no interest in gags, blindfolds, exhibitionism, water sports, defecation, choking/suffocation, or humiliation. *Especially* humiliation! It's a trigger for me that I just can never get by.

Also, oddly enough I don't really like reading BDSM stories. Well...the hardcore ones anyway. If I'm reading a story and it's got light BDSM in it, that's fine. But hardcore, tying up w/ ropes, controlling their every move in LIFE, having them strip and then ignoring them while they stand there naked...well I can't stand to read it. It becomes embarrassing for *me*!

Okay, so...there you go! Those are my kinks and NO-NOs.

~Monica

BDSM said...


BDSM
Rope Bondage
London Dominatrix
that was so interesting!
i've never even heard of this

BDSM said...

I think we should not try these activities in home without professional help it might be dangerous..