BDSM in NY City 3-Day Intensive Workshop Weekend

If you have interest in the BDSM lifestyle and/or interest in writing in this popular genre with accuracy, in all aspects, this is the workshop for you.

I attended this workshop last year and can highly recommend it. I learned so much and I believe it greatly improved my writing skills in this genre. Dr. Charley and her guest speakers were warm, friendly and open throughout the workshop. They were eager to answer tons of questions! And boy did I have a lot. They were very patient with me. The owners and patrons of the BDSM Club Paddles and the fetish shops we visited were all wonderful and welcoming. I felt comfortable and quickly put at ease. It was fun and I met a number a great people. Yes, at first I was a little nervous. I had never been to a BDSM club before. I thought I would stand out as an outsider, intruding on their private world and snubbed, but that wasn't the case at all. I would love to go back.

With everything I learned, and the inspiration derived from the experience, I’ve written a number of BDSM related stories that are out on submission right now! And I have a number of stories I’m working on. I’ll be announcing good news as it comes in. Fingers crossed!

Want to have a better understanding of the emotional and psychological connections between people engaged in this highly erotic and often misunderstood lifestyle? This is the perfect workshop. I’m disappointed that I can’t return this year, but I hope to make it in 2014. Dr. Charley is planning even more.

BDSM FOR WRITERS 3-Day Intensive Workshop is happening in NYC on August 23-25.
I've included the link below for you to get specifics. Just to share a little
about the workshop here's what you'll receive:

3-Days of information on BDSM not available anywhere else.

·Hands-on opportunities to play with equipment such as floggers, whips, cuffs,
and bondage equipment

·Private demonstrations on electricity, knifes and even a Fire demo at the club.
(your choice whether you want to observe or merely observe} Plus newly added
Spanking & Corporal Punishment.

·Two days spent at a local BDSM club

·Shopping at locally popular BDSM stores

·Private tour of professional Fetish Rooms at an exclusive BDSM Dungeon

·And much more…

I recently learned that several publishers consider my unique one-of-a-kind BDSM
educational program a craft tool they want their authors to possess as they know
the author's D/s characters and scenes will be more realistic.

Register now and invest in your writing career today. Whether you're just
starting to write Dominance and submission novels or have been writing them for
years, this workshop will teach you the secrets which will set you apart from
the rest.

If you are unable to attend in person, consider investing in the recorded
version of the workshop which will consider of only the in-class discussions for
only $125

To register go to: http://www.bdsmforwriters.com/Conferences.html

SPECIAL GUEST SPEAKERS joining us this year:

LAURA ANTONIOU -- AUTHOR OF THE MARKETPLACE SERIES

D.L. KING --AUTHOR OF VARIOUS EROTIC & GLBT Books as well as D/s STORIES.

 

BIO: Dr. Charley Ferrer is a world renowned Clinical Sexologist. She is known as America’s BDSM Expert. She has been featured in the NY Times, Cosmopolitan Magazine, Forum UK, Marie Claire, BDSM Radio Holland, Chinese Sexology Association Journal, and several other magazines, newspapers and academic journals. Doctor Charley has been a featured speaker at various CDC events in the US as well as a featured speaker at international events in Venezuela, Canada, Mexico, and most recently at the first congressional meeting of the Chinese Sexology Association in March 2013.  She has been asked to speak at the upcoming Sexual Freedom Summit. Doctor Charley is featured as the Dominance and submission expert on the upcoming Special Report on CBS News on Bondage and Alternative Lifestyles. She is sought after as the relationship and sex expert for various television and radio programs including Fox News Latino. Doctor Charley was featured in an interview with Fox News Latino providing relationship advice to the royal couple.

Doctor Charley is an award winning author of thirteen books on sex, women’s sensuality, and self-empowerment. Her book BDSM The Naked Truth was the bestselling book on BDSM and psychology on Kindle for 2012 and 2013 for over eight months, climbing the charts to #3.  Her book BDSM for Writers has been hailed as a “must have reference book” by various well know authors in the genre. Doctor Charley’s yearly BDSM for Writers 3-Day Intensive has been proclaimed as the best BDSM education a writer can attain. 

Doctor Charley’s television talk show was nominated for Best TV Talk Show in 2008 and Best Northeastern Region Talk Show in 2009. Doctor Charley has been invited to speak at international medical conventions on the topic of sexually alternative lifestyles, in particular the BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadomasochism) lifestyle in Venezuela, Canada, China, and throughout the US.

Doctor Charley is known as America’s BDSM Expert and has taught workshops in various universities including Harvard, Rutgers and Columbia as well as various colleges throughout the US and aboard. Doctor Charley conducts various workshops for writers on BDSM psychology teaching writers to understand this uniquely erotic lifestyle. She has taught BDSM education at various writers organizations including RWA (Romance Writers of America), Savvy Authors, Liberty States Fiction Writers and more.

Other Quick Facts About Dr. Charley Ferrer

• First Latina Doctor of Human Sexuality in the United States
• Recognized as a "Groundbreaking" Latina Leaders of 2006” for her work in the field of Sexology and Sexual Health by the National Association for Latina Leaders
• Award for Best Self Help Book 2002 -- The W.I.S.E. Journal for the Sensual Woman
• Spoke before the World Congress of Sexology & International Congress 2005, 2006, 2008, (pending 2013)
• Developed new therapeutic modality for Dominance and submission education medical providers, mental health workers, and the general public
• Guest Speaker at ASSECT Convention 2008
• Adjunct Professor of Psychology & Human Sexuality at Rutgers University  
• Freelance writer with various magazines, newspapers and internet sites
• Called “The Latina Dr. Ruth” by various magazines and International newspapers
• Her TV Talk show was nominated for Best TV Talk Show 2007 and Best Northeastern Region Talk Show in 2008.
• She hosted/guest speaker on various radio programs in English and Spanish throughout the US and Columbia 

Books by Dr. Charley Ferrer (available in paperbackand eBook—soon in Audio)

 

Sex Unlimited

BDSM for Writers
BDSM—The Naked Truth
The Latina Kama Sutra – (Nominated for Best Sexuality Book 2006/2007)
The W.I.S.E. Journal for the Sensual Woman – (Awarded Best Self-Help Book 2002)
The Passionate Latina: In Our Own Words
Sex Con Sabor Latina (A play)

In Spanish:

La Latina Kama Sutra: El Guía Absoluto Para Citas, Sexo, y Placeres Eróticos

Para La Mujer Sensual  

 

 

 

BDSM: Part IV - “Master and Servant”

BDSM: Part IV - "Master and Servant"

 

This is the last of my 4-Part In a BDSM Dungeon.

 

“Master and Servant” another 80s group by Depeche Mode. Obviously by the title you can tell it's a BDSM themed song, the lyrics too. One line says it all: “Domination is the name of the game, in bed or life!” While I searched for BDSM themed songs, I found this group had a number of them. Thank you all who read and commented and shared thoughts and views in this blog series. Please keep the comments coming since many of us (including myself) are continuing to learn about this often misunderstood lifestyle for our own curiosity and for writers who wish to write more accurate and deeply emotional erotic romance stories within this subgenre.

Frogs – Fortunately I didn’t meet any frogs at Paddles. Everyone was very nice and respectable. Frogs are inappropriate people that enter the BDSM lifestyle. They can either be rude and interrupt a scene (which will get you thrown out of a club by the way), or mean with a I-can-hit-you-attitude because I’m a Dom. Those are abusers, not Dominants. Those who leave their subs after a scene without aftercare—attending to their physical/emotional needs, would come under the definition of a frog. For writers, these could be the villains of a story.

 

Subspace – As much as I read about subspace in fiction and non-fiction books, I was completely amazed when I saw this for myself at Paddles a number of times. Saw it, not experienced. Whether it was from a scene of flogging, electrical play, bondage, needle play, etc., I saw several incidences of subspace. From the masochist who was clinging to her sadist boyfriend, to others who could barely walk, in most instances, it was not hard to point out a person experiencing subspace. This was my take on it: A person in subspace seems to be overloaded in physical and/or emotional sensations and perhaps is pushed into a different level of consciousness, or perhaps they have an overload of endorphins. I’m not sure. But a person in subspace can get weepy, have glazed eyes, slurred speech and walks like a drunk. They can be very disoriented. They definitely should not drive. Treat them as if you have a drunk friend. The effect can last a day or more. No, the flogging session didn’t send me into subspace but I did get a couple bruises. J

 
Cellophane and creative bondage- In part II, I mentioned about the blue cellophane bondage scene I watched. That was quite a scene and took a lot of time and planning. The Dom had a special wide collar on his sub that covered her mouth and all of her neck. She started out naked and he wrapped most of her body. Her arms were crossed, hands partially covering her breasts. Somehow with straps and a pulley system he suspended her off the ground. Pieces of blue cellophane stretched out like rays. I’m sure he had to be extra careful that the cellophane wasn’t cutting off circulation or that she wasn't getting overheated. When he was done, she looked like an erotic blue creature caught in a blue spider’s web.

Another jail in the dungeon

 

Is Paddles Haunted? An interesting observation was made during my visit at Paddles. Another member of our group also had a similar experience. I believe the club might be haunted. No kidding. Before many people arrived at the club, I was standing in the main area by the bar taking in the sights. I was by myself. I felt someone grab my butt. I spun around expecting to see someone from our group teasing me, but there was no one there and no one had passed by. I wasn’t near anyone and was standing in the middle of the room. Can’t blame it on alcohol, because they don’t allow alcohol. This also happened to someone else in our group. So what do you think?

This workshop and the visit to Paddles was a wonderful learning experience. I met some great people and learned a lot. I also got tons of new ideas for future stories, including the ones I’m working on.

If you’re a writer and interested in learning about the BDSM lifestyle I have to plug Dr. Charley Ferrer’s workshop BDSM for Writers  http://www.bdsmforwriters.com/  And also her book of the same name: BDSM for Writers. She has other books on the topic too if you’re just interested in the topic.

 

 

Thank you to those at the workshop and Paddles for your kindness and openness to share in your experiences or allowing me to watch.  And it was wonderful meeting those of you at the workshop. Please stay in touch. Don’t forget to checkout Cris Anson’s blog or Francesca Hawley’s blog http://www.francescahawley.com for upcoming posts. And thanks for visiting my blog and sharing your thoughts. 

BDSM: Part III - "Sweet Dreams Are Made of This"

In a BDSM Dungeon, Part III

 

"Sweet Dreams Are Made of This” from the 1983 hit song by the Eurythmics. If you’ve seen the video and Annie Lennox wearing a man’s suit, close-cropped orange hair and brandishing a cane, and listen to the words, you’ll get the D/s undertones.  This blog post is a continuation of the 4-part BDSM series. Part IV will be posted on October 3^rd.

Electrical Play - During our class, we got a demo on electrical play. You may have heard of the violet wand. This is similar. Have you ever been to a science museum and touched a large glass globe and felt and saw the electric sparks? It’s the same technology. This type of equipment is safer than a TENS unit because the electrical charge isn’t dangerous to the heart. It’s static electricity. A gentleman and his partner demonstrated the instrument using a variety of attachments that sparked different colors, made distinct sounds and different sensations. They used tinsel like you’d get from Party City and swirled it over a volunteer’s body, making the sparks dance. Pretty cool to watch. The person experiencing it seemed to enjoy the sensation too. But the sparks do hurt a bit. Ow! At the club, he set up a table for patrons to try out which, in the dark club, made me think of Frankenstein with all the visual sparks. That was fun to watch.

Purposed of a Leash and Collar – Personally I’d always felt the leash/collar thing was a bit demeaning. If someone had tried placing one around my neck, I would’ve punched him in the nose. I have a new understanding now. The collar is a sign of ownership but it’s also given and worn similar to a wedding/engagement ring. The leash is also a sign of ownership and an increased level of Dominance and control. It’s also used for presentation in a public setting. It’s considered very bad etiquette for someone to pick up a leash if a Dom/Domme lets it go for a moment. A Velcro collar isn’t respected because it’s looked upon as meaning the person is a slut for anybody since the Velcro can be easily removed.

Sadists and Masochists – This was the one scene that I found very difficult to watch. It was a scene between a sadist Dom and his masochistic submissive. I watched with another woman in our group and she saw me sitting on my hands. It was my way of reminding myself NOT to interfere. All the books I’ve read hadn’t prepared me for a scene between a sadist and a masochist. Even a submissive in our group said she can’t watch this particular couple. Apparently, they’re regulars. The Dom got very physical with his sub. I had to remind myself she could stop it at any time by calling her safe word. This was their thing. I had to resist the urge to jump up, slam him into the wall and kick the crap out of him. All the other scenes, I had no problem with, this one was over the top for me. I eventually left. Later, I saw him her holding her hand protectively and very lovingly, gently caressing her. Quite a switch from what I’d seen earlier. He seemed very attentive in aftercare, or tending to the physical and emotional needs of his sub.

Mind Fuck – This is a mind game where the Dom uses fear to control a sub. An example would be where a Dom threatens to cut his sub’s hair if she doesn’t do something. The sub doesn’t believe it and the Dom either makes believe that he is by making the sound with a pair of scissors, cutting a small piece of hair or planning a head and saving a piece of fake hair similar to his sub’s hair color and hiding it for this purpose. I saw a bit of this where the sadist threatened to punish his masochist if she dropped a particular item she was holding in her mouth. She didn’t know how he was going to punish her. By what he was doing to her (needle play) it wouldn’t be long before she would have to drop the item to cry out. His punishments were severe and this was the point I left the scene.

Saturday night. Saturday was a much busier night. A social group called The Eulenspiegel Society or TES (http://www.tes.org/)  came in and they were a lively fun group. They knew there were a group of writers visiting and were happy to chat with us. Or let us watch. I should say they do have safety guards or dungeon masters. Not sure of the correct term. But they did wear a vest with florescent tape resembling a crossing guard vest. They walked around the club making sure the rules were being followed and safety practices were being upheld. A few of us in the writers group tried out a few things. I asked if I could try out flogging. Dr. Charley set me up with the woman whose partner does the electrical play. She, however, is a Domme and a sadist. Gulp. I laughed nervously and said, I only wanted to try it out, you’re not going to kill me are you? She was very sweet and no, she didn’t kill me. She kept checking to make sure I was okay. So now I can accurately write how a flogging feels. Dr. Charley called me her Flogger Girl. We also watched some expert floggers who used two floggers in a Florentine whipping. For the coordinated BDSMer.

 J The next day Dr. Charley gave those of us who tried out something in the club (explored some element of BDSM) a “red badge of courage” a pretty red silk book mark with tiny handcuffs. Very cute.

Don't forget to check out Cris Anson's blog today. She's also posting a BDSM series on the same workshop. Francesca Hawley will be posting her blogs too.  

In the last post of the 4-part BDSM series I’ll talk about  Subspace, Frogs, ah, the strange things we do with cellophane, and also answer the question - Is Paddles haunted?

How to Research a BDSM Novel

For those of us who write erotic romance novels, especially those with BDSM themes, we occasionally get the snicker, a wink, a smart-ass comment and annoying questions, like: Do you research all those naughty scenes in your books? The quick answer is YES, but not the way you may think.

It took me a long time to decide to write a BDSM novel. I’ve read many over the years and was intrigued by the power dynamics and sensuality. I hesitated about writing my own books because I knew there was much more to these stories than dressing my characters in lots of leather, having them wield whips and chains and making up safe words. The depth of emotion and intensity in the relationships are very complicated and, I believed, difficult to portray well unless well researched. Although the stories are fiction, I wanted to portray the lifestyle as accurately as I could. Writing my first book did take a lot of research and courage, and I may have gotten a few details wrong. I’m still learning. I’ll be taking a three-day workshop on the topic in NYC soon, and look forward to spicing up my next BDSM novel with what I learn. More on that later.

Why? Why do couples/partners become involved in the BDSM lifestyle? There are probably many reasons. Some may enjoy the thrill of escaping into a sensual fantasy world. The excitement of exploring the forbidden and intense physical stimulation. And/or the joy of sharing deep intimacy and trust with another person. Please share your thoughts on this.

Here are a few suggestions for researching the BDSM Novel:

-Ask authors who are experts in the genre. I asked author Joey Hill lots of questions at  RT Convention one year. She gave me lots of suggestions and resources to check out.

-Read tons of fiction books in the genre.

-Read numerous non-fiction books. I’ll give a list of some at the end.

-Sign up on www.fetlife.com and perused the various groups and read posts to get a feel for the various kinks, lifestyles and lingo.

-Check out online stores for bondage furniture, hardware and bondage wear to dress you characters, furnish your dungeon and provide implements for your characters to play with. Go to fetish or sexy lingerie shops.

-Go to workshops. Yes, there are workshops on BDSM out there. Dr. Charley Ferrer, World Renowned Clinical Sexologist, TV/Radio Talk Show Host, Award Winning Author  is giving a 3-Day intensive workshop in New York City called BDSM for Writers. Attendees will visit a BDSM club and understand how to use BDSM psychology and power exchange between the characters in your stories, get the details of a scene right, add sensory details to liven every scene. Yes, I’ll be  attending this http://www.bdsmforwriters.com/Conferences.html

-Go to conferences. Many conferences are giving workshops on BDSM. Romanticon October 11^th-14th http://ecromanticon.com/  . I’ll be doing a workshop with Joey Hill: BDSM Romance: Why Do We Love it. And also BDSM, Hurts So Good with Desiree Holt and Francesca Hawley.

-Talk to those in the lifestyle. If you’re open and honest and ask sincere questions you’ll usually get open and honest answers in return. Online sites like Fetlife is a good site for that. Post a question saying you’re a writer and would like to learn more about such and such. Some authors who write in the genre are also involved or connected in the BDSM lifestyle and they may be open to be a resource. Participating in the lifestyle is not a prerequisite for writing it well. You can write about an astronaut walking on the moon, a gladiator fighting in ancient Roman, or a caveman (a real one, not the hunky Ellora’s Cave one) discovering fire even if you’ve never actually experienced those lives.

Websites:

http://www.holisticwisdom.com/

http://www.dungeondelights.com/store/index.php
http://eXtremeRestraints.com
http://www.purplepassion.com/Home.htm
http://www.bondagefetishstore.com
http://fetlife.com
https://www.bondage.com
http://donsubfriends.com/1home.shml
http://www.asubmissivesjourney.com/pageb.html
http://www.dungeonfuniture.com/frameset-about.htm
http://www.leathernroses.com/
http://bdsm-education.com/sitemap.html
http://www.sexuality.org/
http://www.stockroom.com/gear/bdsm_furniture/
http://www.toys4lust.com/furniture.htm

Books: (just a few suggestions)

BDSM for Writers -  Dr. Charley Ferrer

BDSM the Naked Truth -  Dr. Charley Ferrer
Screw the Roses, Send Me The Thorns -  Philip Miller and Molly Devon
The Mistress Manual -  Mistress Lorelei
The Loving Dominant -  John Warren and Libby Warren
SM101: A Realistic Introduction – Jay Wiseman
The Ethical Slut – Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy
Sensual Magic: A Guide to S/M or Adventurous Couples – Patrick Califia
The New Topping Book – Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy
Two Knotty Boys Show You the Ropes – Two Knotty Boys and Larry Utley
The New Bottoming Book – Hardy and Easton

My stories that have either a BDSM theme or elements:

EMERALDDUNGEON

“TattooWitch” in SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES, Vol. 1
DESERTOF THE DAMNED
DAMNEDAND DESIRED
DAMNEDAND DEFIANT (coming August 15^th)