Saturday, March 30, 2013

Erotica is Not a Dirty Word


With Guest post from Dr. Charley Ferrer

Romance authors, especially erotic romance authors often get the ‘frown’ when we tell people what we do. Even family and friends would prefer we write something else: perhaps travel guides, medical textbooks, literary fiction, murder mysteries, anything as long as it doesn’t have sex in it. And there’s nothing wrong with writing the other books I just mentioned, they all take talent and hard work.

But somewhere along the way, the idea of two people who struggle to overcome obstacles in their lives, fall in love and express that love sexually is a bad thing, or something we shouldn’t talk or write or read about. That’s the impression I get by the feedback from people who condemn the romance/erotic genre. Maybe out culture should have more of this on prime time TV and less of the serial killers, murders, abductions, body parts, and fights. Kids can watch this violence during the dinner hour too, or practice violence in their role-playing video games.

Since the 50 Shades of Grey came out, some of the negativity improved. Women (and some men) who never read an erotic romance book before, thought, Hmmm, this is pretty good, to the tune of over 70 million copies. And they started reading more. But there are a lot of wonderful erotic romance authors out there. Check out the authors on  What I’m not crazy about, is a new term going around: “Mommy Porn”. I think that’s negative. First women of all ages read erotic romance, not just young mothers. And porn is derogatory and objectifies women.

Last month the mayor in my town objected to an interview my community paper did on me. He felt it wasn’t appropriate for young people. The article discussed how my husband and I are restoring our 100 year old Victorian home and a little about the books I write. No excerpts. The details of the issue are here if you’d like to read more:

If anyone wanted to send a Letter-to-the-Editor of the West Word paper giving their support of the interview and the paper write to:


Dr. Charley Ferrer responded with the following Letter-to-the-editor. And I’d like to share her views with my readers. I took Dr. Charley’s BDSM Writers Workshop for Authors in NY City last August. It was a weekend long-workshop with detailed lectures, visits to leather/fetish/lingerie shops and also a two-night visit to Paddles, a BDSM club in NYC. If you’re an author who wants to write accurately in the BDSM genre, this is a valuable workshop.

HATE CENSORSHIP by Dr. Charley Ferrer
Burn all the papers. Restrict residents from owning radios. Dictate the sermons churches can discussion with parishioners. Ban all books. And provide residents with a list of appropriate topics to discuss in public!

Perhaps by ensuring the above, Mayor Sal Panto can foster the Steppford Wives mentality in his community he seeks to foster by censoring the voice of the media.

It always amazes me that politicians will talk about defending our morals and
“what’s good and decent” while they tell us their version of what is acceptable. Mayor Panto’s comments sound like the Comstock Law all over again. Censorship at its most insidious!  Isn’t that what the Mayor is doing by demanding only his approved articles and topics and threatening to replace the West Words editorial leadership?

In reviewing the articles in question, I find they only endeared me to the location. Imagine meeting an author who’s restoring a 100 year old Victorian home with her husband. Or learning that a community can evaluate where it can improve its efforts in serving its members. I’m lucky if my next door neighbor says hello as he passes me in the hall.

Life isn’t black and white. We all live in the gray where situations arise and our children are influenced by others more so than ourselves. Should I mention the movies our teens watch or the videos they spend hours playing; movies and videos filled with violence and discrimination; which foster the unconscious belief that another person’s life isn’t worth much and can be easily disposed of? Ironic how we’ll cover our sons and daughters eyes at the movies when there’s a kissing scene, yet we have no objections when the kids watch Jason Myers stab campers to death or criminals kill and rape women. Isn’t it hypocritical how we allow our children to be inundated with killing and rape in their movies and video games and yet object to the mention of a woman who writes erotica.  

Personally, I like to know all the aspects of a place I plan to move my family to.  The good and the bad this way I can make my own decision. That’s my right as an adult. Besides if the paper has something in it I find objectionable, I’ll use my God-given and government approved rights to TURN THE PAGE…as I do with the sports section.  

Live with passion,
Dr. Charley Ferrer
Clinical Sexologist, Educator
TV/Radio Host & Producer
Award Winning Author
Sex Expert for Fox News Latino

(718) 916-4124 




Denysé Bridger said...

Ladies, applause and kudos to you both!! Kathy - congrats on what you're doing to your beautiful home!!

Dr. Charley - I've bought two of your excellent books to improve my understanding of BDSM. I don't write it, I do write erotica - like Kathy I'm with Ellora's Cave. I like to understand things, and BDSM was something I knew nothing about. Your books are amazing.

Kathy, stand proud, lady!! And keep doing what you do.

Much love and blessings to you, and Dr. Charley.


Ari Thatcher said...

Beautifully stated points. You'd think Kathy was handing out free books (almost said freebies but realized where that might go!) on the street corner to kids. It's one thing to be bound by one
s inhibitions, but it's wrong to force them on the rest of the world.

Kathy Kulig said...

Thank you, Denyse, Remodeling an old home takes years but it's very rewarding watching it evolve. I have a number of Dr. Charley's books too. They're excellent!

Thanks Ari, and well said. :)

Mel Teshco said...

Hi Kathy!

good luck with your 100 year old home and the 100 y.o mindset of your mayor. Think the home might be easier to deal with =)

Kathy Kulig said...

Thanks, Mel. The house keeps us busy. People have a right to their opinion, whether I agree or not. I do hope the paper remains as it is. We do have a number of creative and artistic people living in this area. I'd love to read about them too.

Tracey H. Kitts said...

I love this post. I too have been given the "frown" more times than I can count because I write erotic paranormal romance. People treat me like I'm some kind of freak or raging pervert. It amazes me how so many people can misunderstand the word "erotic."

Oh, and I also find "mommy porn" EXTREMELY offensive. ;)

Monica Stoner said...

I had to think about this for a while, about the profound irony...not quite the right word. Let's just say ignorance of our Puritanical viewpoints. And because of this our children grow up narrow minded and ignorant of what is right and wrong. As Dr Charley said if you don't like it, turn the page. Heaven knows I walked out of many rooms when attacked on all sides by screens showing men trying to pound each other into the ground, giving the obvious message: aggression good, love (sex) bad

Kathy Kulig said...

Thanks for your thoughts, Tracey and Monica. I do think attitudes are changing some. I think we've come a long way over the last ten years. So that's a good thing! :) But there will always be a few frowny ones. :) Those aren't our readers or the ones we work so hard for.