In The News: Special Interview with Rolling Stone Magazine

In The News: Erotic Author Cris Anson in a Special Interview with Rolling Stone Magazine

Cris Anson was interviewed at her home on March 23, 2015 by Rolling Stone Magazine They’re working on a video about authors who write BDSM erotica and erotic romance. The video will be aired later this year in August or September on their website. She has been an author of erotic fiction for many years and has attended every BDSM Writer’s Conference in NYC since it first began in 2011 by Dr. Charley Ferrer. Now she’s a presenter.

If you meet Cris, you’ll soon recognize her joy for life and enthusiasm to learn alternative lifestyles. Not only for her own curiosity, but also to enhance her fiction. She has a warmth that is welcoming to everyone she meets. Her research and her own personal journey are expressed in her stories. She has a beautiful way with words and her characters will always capture her readers’ hearts.

Rolling Stone also interviewed Dr. Charley Ferrer, who is the host and founder of the BDSM Writer’s Conference in NYC coming up August 20-23, 2015. The feature speaker is Cecilia Tan and there will be many speakers, authors and experts in the BDSM lifestyle, as well as demonstrations and workshops. This conference is an excellent place to go if you want to learn about Dominance and submission, wish to be a writer in the BDSM genre, or if you want to discover the lifestyle for yourself. Readers, authors and guests are welcome.

I went to the very first conference in 2011 and I can highly recommend it. It has grown and there are more speakers and workshops. But I learned so much during that weekend. It has helped me immensely with writing in the BDSM genre. Did I mention it was great fun and the people were awesome?? I wish my schedule would permit me to go this year.

I’ll let you know when the Rolling Stone video goes live. In the meantime, check out Cris’ BDSM books:

Two Novellas: NO PATIENCE and AARON’S JEWEL, plus a full-length BDSM novel REDEMPTION AND GLORY

Cris talks about a number of BDSM topics on her blog, including her own personal experiences: Visit her website and blog: http://www.crisanson.com

Interview With Dr. Charley Ferrer--Sex Unlimited

Welcome Dr. Charley Ferrer to The Lusty View and thank you for taking the time to  answer the questions. You've had quite an exciting year traveling to China and Venezuela. I can't wait to hear more about your adventures and looking forward to the BDSM Writers Convention next August in NY City.

Hi Kathy,

Thank you for inviting me to your website and providing me with the opportunity to share some time with your readers. I look forward to answering any questions and meeting a few of you in New York City, August 21 – 24, 2014.

What does a Clinical Sexologist do?

As a Clinical Sexologist, I specialize in Sex Therapy and provide counseling and education on sexual issues. I teach physicians, mental health workers, and law enforcement officials about various aspects of sexuality as well as alternative lifestyles including dominance and submission. This enables them to provide the best service possible for their patients and the men and women they serve. It’s amazing that physicians know the intricate workings of the human anatomy, yet they’re too embarrassed to ask a patient how their sex life is going. Though many would think a physician asking such a question would be inappropriate or nosy, the truth is you can learn about your patient’s mental health and medical well-being from this very simple inquiry. For instance: if the patient is married and hasn't had sex in over a month, then there’s a problem; assuming he’s living with his/her partner. There might be depression or a biological condition that’s affecting the patient; perhaps prescribed medications are hindering their libido. So many possibilities can be ascertained from the response to this one simple question—and all possibilities should be explored! Plus as a Sex Educator, I conduct various workshops to help men and women enhance their sensual and sexual divinity to derive great pleasure from their life and relationships.

  

You have so many accomplishments in your career. Can you tell us about a recent one that was especially rewarding for you?

Gosh, Kathy. It’s so hard for me to choose from all the amazing opportunities I’ve been blessed with in my career. This year alone I participated in some of the most amazing sexological achievements ever made which are literally affecting lives across the globe. For instance, I had the honor of being the only http://doctorcharley.com>American Sexologist invited to speak in Falcon Venezuela for a week long summit that had us driving across the entire region of Falcon to get to the people in small outlining communities and villages and educate them on sexual health and relationship issues. We battled moving sand dunes which obscured the roadways in order to get to one Town Hall meeting. I was able to introduce BDSM principles and playfulness with the help of my fellow “male” sexologists and volunteers from the community forum of over 300 citizens on day. Do so love male submissives. Never is a man stronger than when he opens himself up to another and shares his affection and vulnerability trusting such a gift will not be dishonored.

             Submissive males in Venezuela

However I would have to admit that my most amazing experience this year came from my participation in the FIRST Chinese Sexology Association Congress held in mainland China in March. I was the ONLY America-Latina Sexologist invited to attend this historical event where China opened its doors to collaborate with sexologists from around the world on sexual health issues. I conducted a brief lecture entitled “Understanding & Demystifying Dominance and Submission (BDSM)” calling to action physicians and mental health workers to educate themselves on the various aspects of this very normal and highly misunderstood sexual lifestyle. BDSM practitioners hidden within their community due to extreme criminal penalties and discrimination associated with the practice.  

During one of the tours while in Hong Kong, our host dressed me as an Empress. A man ran up on stage, knelt before me, and begged for the “honor to kiss my hand.” A little flabbergasted, I smiled and extended my hand as everyone watched in awe. “It happens everywhere I go!” I stated and we all chuckled a little. I was later surprised when I later learned the identity of the individual.

  

I was deeply honored when I was asked to return to China to teach and lecture at Peking University and other institutions to help train others that would then help spread sex education throughout China. My book, SEX UNLIMITED was slated for publication in Chinese before I left. Unfortunately, before we could get it to market, it was banned. Apparently, SEX UNLIMITED was thought to offer too much sensual information and sexual freedom to be allowed.

Could you tell us about your latest book? SEX UNLIMITED: The Ultimate Guide to Dating, Sex and Erotic Pleasures was published January 13, 2013. It’s my thirteenth book on sexual empowerment. It provides information on everything you need to know about sexual pleasure and various sex positions, exercises, and sensual encounters anyone can utilize to become a great lover! It also teaches the reader how to be flirtatious—a skill many of us can use some practice with. One of the review comments I received on the book states, “If the information isn’t in Sex Unlimited it isn’t legal; though some of the information and sexual encouragement is illegal in some states.”  Sex Unlimited, as with all my other books, is a straight talk, no nonsense book, on claiming your sexual and sensual divinity. I guess that’s why the book was banned in China. *chuckles* 

The BDSM Writers Conference was a huge help to me in my writing and in my curiosity in the lifestyle. What will readers get out of this amazing event in 2014?

BDSM Writers Con began three years ago as a 3-Day Intensive for authors. It became apparent that readers (and the general public) were hungry for the information as well. Readers can expect to learn the truth about dominance and submission and assuage their curiosity as to what it’s really all about. Though there are several workshops geared specifically to writers, readers will delight in the countless workshops and live demos presented by BDSM Experts. These men and women aren’t performers. They are lifestyle practitioners who embrace the nuances of Dominance and submission and have been doing so for years. Readers will be able to mingle with their favorite BDSM and erotica authors and make new ones as they participate in workshops and spend a night at a private BDSM Club. Our host, Powder, the co-founder of Fetish Tribe in New York City has promised to make our night at this private D/s event a night to remember. Plus, readers get to attend the Award Ceremony during the conference when we present the winners of our BEST BDSM Book 2014 Book Contest.

Novice will enjoy the safe comfortable atmosphere of the conference which allows them to explore and appease their curiosity while experienced kinksters will enjoy the various lifestyle workshops geared toward enhancing their relationships and providing various demonstrations on how to incorporate various play such as Flogging, Bondage and some Edge Play into their relationships.

BDSM Writers Con is the perfect first step into the world of Dominance and submission. It’s not just for authors. It’s for everyone curious about writing or exploring bondage, discipline and sadomasochistic adventures.  I invite you to join us for this amazing one of a kind conference August 21 – 24, 2014 in New York City. And of course, please feel free to contact me with any questions.  

Dr. Charley Ferrer travels the globe speaking on both the conventional and the controversial aspects of the sexual experience. Doctor Charley has been featured in the NY Times and Cosmopolitan Magazine. Hailed as America’sBDSM Expert,  she has over 15 years experience teaching and exploring the lifestyle. Her book, BDSM: The Naked Truth, has topped charts in the US and Internationally including reaching #1 on Amazon’s Kindle. 

Visit Dr, Charley Ferrer: 

www.doctorcharley.com    
www.bdsmwriterscon.com
Also follow us on:

www.twitter.com/doctorcharley

www.facebook.com/doctorcharley
www.youtube.com/doctorcharley

BDSM 2014 Writers Conference Open for Registration #BDSMWC #eroticromance

Writers and readers of the BDSM genre have an awesome opportunity at this conference to learn, observe and maybe experience if you dare the fascinating, and often misunderstood, BDSM lifestyle. The conference is open for registration! Click here. For information.

To register: Click here.

 

I went last year and it was amazing. Next year is going to be incredible with the expanded events and speakers. The BDSM club in NYC is something you must experience in person.

Dr. Charley Ferrer-World renowned Clinical Sexologist, TV/Radio Talk Show Host Award Winning Author and America’s leading BDSM expert will be hosting this conference.

Other guest speakers and BDSM experts:

Joey W. Hill-Keynote speaker

Kallypso Masters-USA Today Bestselling Author

Cris Anson

Miranda Baker

Rose C. Carole

Samantha Cayto

Desiree Holt

Kathy Kulig

Leia Shaw

And many more involved in the lifestyle to demonstrate.

This conference is the only place to receive this in-depth information on the fundamentals of Dominance and submission, feel safe while exploring (maybe experimenting a little at the BDSM Club), asking questions, and hang out with your favorite authors—or meet new favorites.

*One of the biggest complaint from readers and reviewers of authors who wish to write in this genre is NOT writing true to the lifestyle. It’s difficult if you’re not IN this lifestyle and also difficult getting it RIGHT by just reading fiction and non-fiction books. I had this dilemma. I loved reading this genre but hesitated writing it for years. I talked to Joey W. Hill, one of my fav authors, and began filtering in BDSM elements: My Demon series. And my first BDSM novella: Emerald Dungeon. But I learned so much more through this BDSM writers conference than I ever could from books or even talking to authors. And it was fun! After the conference, I used what I learned about BDSM at the conference and wrote Summer Sins. It has been contracted by Ellora’s Cave! I’ll keep you posted on the release date.

WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT AT THE CONFERENCE:

Ten WORKSHOPS on various aspects of BDSM taught by your favorite (soon to be favorite) authors and experts in the lifestyle.

Five Lifestyle LIVE Demonstrations

Three Panel Discussions by Lifestyle Practitioners (addressing issues on relationships, creating scenes, and getting started)

Two Workshops on BDSM fundamentals

Live Demo’s Include:

Spanking & Discipline by Cassandra

Electrical Play by Jay & Maryann

Fire Play by Mistriss Eva

Mummification by Sir Viktor

An escorted night at Paddles in NYC, one of the longest (if not the longest) running BDSM clubs in the world.

There’s more: Several of your favorite authors are planning private parties for fans in their suites. Others are planning pre/post conference events. There will be a book signing on Sunday too.

CONTEST AND AWARD CEREMONY for the best (unpublished) BDSM book. And the prize is a book contract from one of the sponsored publishers!

Conference Newsletter The latest updates for the conference. We are constantly updating the website with new information and sending out a Weekly Newsletter which holds information on new workshops, presenters, BDSM Writers Con activities.

SPECIAL DISCOUNT RATE

Register within the first 30-days (September 1- October 1, 2013) and you’ll receive $75 OFF the early bird registration fee. Only $275 to attend this amazing event.

Plus, three lucky winners (who reserve their hotel room along with early registration) will be chosen at random to receive one of the following prizes:

(Prizes can’t be exchanged for cash. Prizes will be awarded on August 21, 2014)

·         A free Full conference registration for a friend/spouse (value $350)

·         One FREE-Night at the hotel (value $229)

·         One FREE 50-minute consultation with Dr. Charley Ferrer (value $250)

Registration opens September 1, 2013 at Midnight. Click here to register.

Sponsors with clickable links:

What’s Your Kink? For Lovers of #BDSM and non-Vanilla Sex

Whether or not you consider yourself a kinky girl (or guy), if you read kink, you must have your favorite or favorites. Fess up. Some books do it for you and others may make your skin crawl. That’s cool. Different strokes for different folks and all.

If you’re a fan of this subgenre what elements do you look for in books? If you’re a writer, do you like to explore the lighter side of BDSM or the darker, more edgy side in your books? As a writer, I'd love to know what readers like and don't like.

Spanking, bondage, the power exchange between a Dom and his submissive, a female Domme and male sub, MM, FF, or a combination ménage, fireplay, needle or knife play, electrical shock, humiliation, voyeurism and a variety of role playing scenes. There are so many flavors in the BDSM world.

With a little imagination and a like-minded couple, sex (or erotic books) never has to be boring!

EMERALD DUNGEON Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m2XWIKl_D7Y

Personally, I like reading a variety from light to dark and edgy, but I tend to write on the lighter side. Although, I think a few scenes may be considered a little dark. Even if I read the hardcore BDSM with one eye open, I’m fascinated and love this genre, and if the writing is good, intrigued by the connection between the characters.

Some authors prefer to stay out of the club scene and write a more personal story behind closed doors. That’s cool, I love those stories and I’ve written both club and private scenes. There’s a different dynamic in a club scene, a potential for conflict not found in a bedroom scene. Although, there is potential conflict galore in the bedroom too! I do like the voyeuristic edge in a club as I confess to being a bit of a voyeur.

Last year I attended Dr. Charley Ferrer’s BDSM Writer’s Workshop in NYC and visited Paddles, a BDSM club. I had my voyeuristic side gratified during these nights. Some scenes were easier to watch than others. A few like needle play in intimate areas I couldn’t watch at all. A scene between a Sadist and his lovely Masochist was compelling and I was riveted at first. I sat on a restraining bed watching (no I wasn’t restrained) as the scene developed, but after a while, I had to quietly walk out. It was much too intense for me. I did get a glimpse of what someone looks and acts like in subspace—a few people. A quick description would be a cross between a runner’s high and slightly drunk.

Research in books could never compare to attending these nights at the club and my own personal experience with a Domme. Yes, why pass up an opportunity like this? MaryAnn, a sweet Domme volunteered to demo a flogger on me. Bared from the waist up, I faced the St. Andrew’s Cross. She started out with light strokes and increased the intensity. Periodically, she stopped and checked in on me. I told her she could go harder. I wanted to feel the pain to better describe it in my books. I think I was able to go further than expected probably because I was in a loft area, looking down at all of the wonderful people, totally amazed and very distracted. I did say I’m a bit of a voyeur, maybe more than a bit. J My session finished with MaryAnn and I had my memory and research for my books, and the next day quite a few bruises.

The warm and wonderful people were so open and friendly and willing to share their thoughts and experiences and welcomed my questions. I greatly appreciate their kindness.

BDSM books by Kathy Kulig:

 

EMERALD DUNGEON

DESERT OF THE DAMNED, Book 1 Demons in Exile series (BDSM elements)

DAMNED AND DESIRED, Book 2 Demons in Exile series (BDSM elements)

DAMNED AND DEFIANT, Book 3 Demons in Exile  series (BDSM elements)

“Tattoo Witch” in SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES, Vol I

SUMMER SINS – Coming soon

 CLICK TO TWEET this article

BDSM in NY City 3-Day Intensive Workshop Weekend

If you have interest in the BDSM lifestyle and/or interest in writing in this popular genre with accuracy, in all aspects, this is the workshop for you.

I attended this workshop last year and can highly recommend it. I learned so much and I believe it greatly improved my writing skills in this genre. Dr. Charley and her guest speakers were warm, friendly and open throughout the workshop. They were eager to answer tons of questions! And boy did I have a lot. They were very patient with me. The owners and patrons of the BDSM Club Paddles and the fetish shops we visited were all wonderful and welcoming. I felt comfortable and quickly put at ease. It was fun and I met a number a great people. Yes, at first I was a little nervous. I had never been to a BDSM club before. I thought I would stand out as an outsider, intruding on their private world and snubbed, but that wasn't the case at all. I would love to go back.

With everything I learned, and the inspiration derived from the experience, I’ve written a number of BDSM related stories that are out on submission right now! And I have a number of stories I’m working on. I’ll be announcing good news as it comes in. Fingers crossed!

Want to have a better understanding of the emotional and psychological connections between people engaged in this highly erotic and often misunderstood lifestyle? This is the perfect workshop. I’m disappointed that I can’t return this year, but I hope to make it in 2014. Dr. Charley is planning even more.

BDSM FOR WRITERS 3-Day Intensive Workshop is happening in NYC on August 23-25.
I've included the link below for you to get specifics. Just to share a little
about the workshop here's what you'll receive:

3-Days of information on BDSM not available anywhere else.

·Hands-on opportunities to play with equipment such as floggers, whips, cuffs,
and bondage equipment

·Private demonstrations on electricity, knifes and even a Fire demo at the club.
(your choice whether you want to observe or merely observe} Plus newly added
Spanking & Corporal Punishment.

·Two days spent at a local BDSM club

·Shopping at locally popular BDSM stores

·Private tour of professional Fetish Rooms at an exclusive BDSM Dungeon

·And much more…

I recently learned that several publishers consider my unique one-of-a-kind BDSM
educational program a craft tool they want their authors to possess as they know
the author's D/s characters and scenes will be more realistic.

Register now and invest in your writing career today. Whether you're just
starting to write Dominance and submission novels or have been writing them for
years, this workshop will teach you the secrets which will set you apart from
the rest.

If you are unable to attend in person, consider investing in the recorded
version of the workshop which will consider of only the in-class discussions for
only $125

To register go to: http://www.bdsmforwriters.com/Conferences.html

SPECIAL GUEST SPEAKERS joining us this year:

LAURA ANTONIOU -- AUTHOR OF THE MARKETPLACE SERIES

D.L. KING --AUTHOR OF VARIOUS EROTIC & GLBT Books as well as D/s STORIES.

 

BIO: Dr. Charley Ferrer is a world renowned Clinical Sexologist. She is known as America’s BDSM Expert. She has been featured in the NY Times, Cosmopolitan Magazine, Forum UK, Marie Claire, BDSM Radio Holland, Chinese Sexology Association Journal, and several other magazines, newspapers and academic journals. Doctor Charley has been a featured speaker at various CDC events in the US as well as a featured speaker at international events in Venezuela, Canada, Mexico, and most recently at the first congressional meeting of the Chinese Sexology Association in March 2013.  She has been asked to speak at the upcoming Sexual Freedom Summit. Doctor Charley is featured as the Dominance and submission expert on the upcoming Special Report on CBS News on Bondage and Alternative Lifestyles. She is sought after as the relationship and sex expert for various television and radio programs including Fox News Latino. Doctor Charley was featured in an interview with Fox News Latino providing relationship advice to the royal couple.

Doctor Charley is an award winning author of thirteen books on sex, women’s sensuality, and self-empowerment. Her book BDSM The Naked Truth was the bestselling book on BDSM and psychology on Kindle for 2012 and 2013 for over eight months, climbing the charts to #3.  Her book BDSM for Writers has been hailed as a “must have reference book” by various well know authors in the genre. Doctor Charley’s yearly BDSM for Writers 3-Day Intensive has been proclaimed as the best BDSM education a writer can attain. 

Doctor Charley’s television talk show was nominated for Best TV Talk Show in 2008 and Best Northeastern Region Talk Show in 2009. Doctor Charley has been invited to speak at international medical conventions on the topic of sexually alternative lifestyles, in particular the BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadomasochism) lifestyle in Venezuela, Canada, China, and throughout the US.

Doctor Charley is known as America’s BDSM Expert and has taught workshops in various universities including Harvard, Rutgers and Columbia as well as various colleges throughout the US and aboard. Doctor Charley conducts various workshops for writers on BDSM psychology teaching writers to understand this uniquely erotic lifestyle. She has taught BDSM education at various writers organizations including RWA (Romance Writers of America), Savvy Authors, Liberty States Fiction Writers and more.

Other Quick Facts About Dr. Charley Ferrer

• First Latina Doctor of Human Sexuality in the United States
• Recognized as a "Groundbreaking" Latina Leaders of 2006” for her work in the field of Sexology and Sexual Health by the National Association for Latina Leaders
• Award for Best Self Help Book 2002 -- The W.I.S.E. Journal for the Sensual Woman
• Spoke before the World Congress of Sexology & International Congress 2005, 2006, 2008, (pending 2013)
• Developed new therapeutic modality for Dominance and submission education medical providers, mental health workers, and the general public
• Guest Speaker at ASSECT Convention 2008
• Adjunct Professor of Psychology & Human Sexuality at Rutgers University  
• Freelance writer with various magazines, newspapers and internet sites
• Called “The Latina Dr. Ruth” by various magazines and International newspapers
• Her TV Talk show was nominated for Best TV Talk Show 2007 and Best Northeastern Region Talk Show in 2008.
• She hosted/guest speaker on various radio programs in English and Spanish throughout the US and Columbia 

Books by Dr. Charley Ferrer (available in paperbackand eBook—soon in Audio)

 

Sex Unlimited

BDSM for Writers
BDSM—The Naked Truth
The Latina Kama Sutra – (Nominated for Best Sexuality Book 2006/2007)
The W.I.S.E. Journal for the Sensual Woman – (Awarded Best Self-Help Book 2002)
The Passionate Latina: In Our Own Words
Sex Con Sabor Latina (A play)

In Spanish:

La Latina Kama Sutra: El Guía Absoluto Para Citas, Sexo, y Placeres Eróticos

Para La Mujer Sensual  

 

 

 

Erotica is Not a Dirty Word

 

With Guest post from Dr. Charley Ferrer

Romance authors, especially erotic romance authors often get the ‘frown’ when we tell people what we do. Even family and friends would prefer we write something else: perhaps travel guides, medical textbooks, literary fiction, murder mysteries, anything as long as it doesn’t have sex in it. And there’s nothing wrong with writing the other books I just mentioned, they all take talent and hard work.

But somewhere along the way, the idea of two people who struggle to overcome obstacles in their lives, fall in love and express that love sexually is a bad thing, or something we shouldn’t talk or write or read about. That’s the impression I get by the feedback from people who condemn the romance/erotic genre. Maybe out culture should have more of this on prime time TV and less of the serial killers, murders, abductions, body parts, and fights. Kids can watch this violence during the dinner hour too, or practice violence in their role-playing video games.

Since the 50 Shades of Grey came out, some of the negativity improved. Women (and some men) who never read an erotic romance book before, thought, Hmmm, this is pretty good, to the tune of over 70 million copies. And they started reading more. But there are a lot of wonderful erotic romance authors out there. Check out the authors on http://www.ellorascave.com  What I’m not crazy about, is a new term going around: “Mommy Porn”. I think that’s negative. First women of all ages read erotic romance, not just young mothers. And porn is derogatory and objectifies women.

Last month the mayor in my town objected to an interview my community paper did on me. He felt it wasn’t appropriate for young people. The article discussed how my husband and I are restoring our 100 year old Victorian home and a little about the books I write. No excerpts. The details of the issue are here if you’d like to read more:

http://easton.patch.com/articles/future-of-west-word-paper-uncertain

http://www.lehighvalleylive.com/easton/index.ssf/2013/02/west_word_must_change_or_risk.html

If anyone wanted to send a Letter-to-the-Editor of the West Word paper giving their support of the interview and the paper write to: editor@thewestword.org

#

Dr. Charley Ferrer responded with the following Letter-to-the-editor. And I’d like to share her views with my readers. I took Dr. Charley’s BDSM Writers Workshop for Authors in NY City last August. It was a weekend long-workshop with detailed lectures, visits to leather/fetish/lingerie shops and also a two-night visit to Paddles, a BDSM club in NYC. If you’re an author who wants to write accurately in the BDSM genre, this is a valuable workshop. www.doctorcharley.com

HATE CENSORSHIP by Dr. Charley Ferrer

 

Burn all the papers. Restrict residents from owning radios. Dictate the sermons churches can discussion with parishioners. Ban all books. And provide residents with a list of appropriate topics to discuss in public!

Perhaps by ensuring the above, Mayor Sal Panto can foster the Steppford Wives mentality in his community he seeks to foster by censoring the voice of the media.

It always amazes me that politicians will talk about defending our morals and
“what’s good and decent” while they tell us their version of what is acceptable. Mayor Panto’s comments sound like the Comstock Law all over again. Censorship at its most insidious!  Isn’t that what the Mayor is doing by demanding only his approved articles and topics and threatening to replace the West Words editorial leadership?

In reviewing the articles in question, I find they only endeared me to the location. Imagine meeting an author who’s restoring a 100 year old Victorian home with her husband. Or learning that a community can evaluate where it can improve its efforts in serving its members. I’m lucky if my next door neighbor says hello as he passes me in the hall.

Life isn’t black and white. We all live in the gray where situations arise and our children are influenced by others more so than ourselves. Should I mention the movies our teens watch or the videos they spend hours playing; movies and videos filled with violence and discrimination; which foster the unconscious belief that another person’s life isn’t worth much and can be easily disposed of? Ironic how we’ll cover our sons and daughters eyes at the movies when there’s a kissing scene, yet we have no objections when the kids watch Jason Myers stab campers to death or criminals kill and rape women. Isn’t it hypocritical how we allow our children to be inundated with killing and rape in their movies and video games and yet object to the mention of a woman who writes erotica.  

Personally, I like to know all the aspects of a place I plan to move my family to.  The good and the bad this way I can make my own decision. That’s my right as an adult. Besides if the paper has something in it I find objectionable, I’ll use my God-given and government approved rights to TURN THE PAGE…as I do with the sports section.  

Live with passion,
Dr. Charley Ferrer
Clinical Sexologist, Educator
TV/Radio Host & Producer
Award Winning Author
Sex Expert for Fox News Latino
(718) 916-4124  

 

 

BDSM: Part IV - “Master and Servant”

BDSM: Part IV - "Master and Servant"

 

This is the last of my 4-Part In a BDSM Dungeon.

 

“Master and Servant” another 80s group by Depeche Mode. Obviously by the title you can tell it's a BDSM themed song, the lyrics too. One line says it all: “Domination is the name of the game, in bed or life!” While I searched for BDSM themed songs, I found this group had a number of them. Thank you all who read and commented and shared thoughts and views in this blog series. Please keep the comments coming since many of us (including myself) are continuing to learn about this often misunderstood lifestyle for our own curiosity and for writers who wish to write more accurate and deeply emotional erotic romance stories within this subgenre.

Frogs – Fortunately I didn’t meet any frogs at Paddles. Everyone was very nice and respectable. Frogs are inappropriate people that enter the BDSM lifestyle. They can either be rude and interrupt a scene (which will get you thrown out of a club by the way), or mean with a I-can-hit-you-attitude because I’m a Dom. Those are abusers, not Dominants. Those who leave their subs after a scene without aftercare—attending to their physical/emotional needs, would come under the definition of a frog. For writers, these could be the villains of a story.

 

Subspace – As much as I read about subspace in fiction and non-fiction books, I was completely amazed when I saw this for myself at Paddles a number of times. Saw it, not experienced. Whether it was from a scene of flogging, electrical play, bondage, needle play, etc., I saw several incidences of subspace. From the masochist who was clinging to her sadist boyfriend, to others who could barely walk, in most instances, it was not hard to point out a person experiencing subspace. This was my take on it: A person in subspace seems to be overloaded in physical and/or emotional sensations and perhaps is pushed into a different level of consciousness, or perhaps they have an overload of endorphins. I’m not sure. But a person in subspace can get weepy, have glazed eyes, slurred speech and walks like a drunk. They can be very disoriented. They definitely should not drive. Treat them as if you have a drunk friend. The effect can last a day or more. No, the flogging session didn’t send me into subspace but I did get a couple bruises. J

 
Cellophane and creative bondage- In part II, I mentioned about the blue cellophane bondage scene I watched. That was quite a scene and took a lot of time and planning. The Dom had a special wide collar on his sub that covered her mouth and all of her neck. She started out naked and he wrapped most of her body. Her arms were crossed, hands partially covering her breasts. Somehow with straps and a pulley system he suspended her off the ground. Pieces of blue cellophane stretched out like rays. I’m sure he had to be extra careful that the cellophane wasn’t cutting off circulation or that she wasn't getting overheated. When he was done, she looked like an erotic blue creature caught in a blue spider’s web.

Another jail in the dungeon

 

Is Paddles Haunted? An interesting observation was made during my visit at Paddles. Another member of our group also had a similar experience. I believe the club might be haunted. No kidding. Before many people arrived at the club, I was standing in the main area by the bar taking in the sights. I was by myself. I felt someone grab my butt. I spun around expecting to see someone from our group teasing me, but there was no one there and no one had passed by. I wasn’t near anyone and was standing in the middle of the room. Can’t blame it on alcohol, because they don’t allow alcohol. This also happened to someone else in our group. So what do you think?

This workshop and the visit to Paddles was a wonderful learning experience. I met some great people and learned a lot. I also got tons of new ideas for future stories, including the ones I’m working on.

If you’re a writer and interested in learning about the BDSM lifestyle I have to plug Dr. Charley Ferrer’s workshop BDSM for Writers  http://www.bdsmforwriters.com/  And also her book of the same name: BDSM for Writers. She has other books on the topic too if you’re just interested in the topic.

 

 

Thank you to those at the workshop and Paddles for your kindness and openness to share in your experiences or allowing me to watch.  And it was wonderful meeting those of you at the workshop. Please stay in touch. Don’t forget to checkout Cris Anson’s blog or Francesca Hawley’s blog http://www.francescahawley.com for upcoming posts. And thanks for visiting my blog and sharing your thoughts. 

BDSM: "Whips and Chains Excite Me" Part 1

In a BDSM Dungeon

It’s no big surprise that Rihanna’s hit song “Whips and Chains Excite Me” is about BDSM. When I did a search for BDSM songs for possible titles for my blog series, I was stunned by some of the songs and artists that had BDSM overtones or themes. And there are a ton of songs. I think I’ll leave that for a later blog post. The video for this song is very hot too.

Author Cris Anson is doing a 4-part blog series of her experiences too. She’ll be posting on the same days as this series. Please check out her blog as well: http://crisansonspassions.blogspot.com/

BDSM is an acronym for Bondage, Discipline, Sado-masochism. Ever wonder what it’s really like inside an actual BDSM club dungeon? Recently, I had that opportunity while attending a 3-day BDSM Writers Workshop given by Dr. Charley Ferrer in New York City. http://www.bdsmforwriters.com/Conferences.html

 

Whips and Chains, etc.
 

Before attending the club for the first night on Friday, we had an extensive full-day workshop of detailed lectures on various topics about the BDSM lifestyle, definitions, psychology, etc.

Even with all the research I’ve done on this topic, I came away with a much broader knowledge of the BDSM lifestyle. Some things I knew, or thought I knew, but ended up being a quite different. And some things I totally had no clue about.

·         BDSM is not all about whips and chains. The power exchange between the Dominant and submissive can be experienced in other ways. These individuals desire a deep spiritual and emotional connection.

·         A BDSM club isn’t a sex club. Intercourse isn’t allowed unless there is a private area. Most open clubs don’t have this.

·         Knife play, needle play and fire play are high risk BDSM activities but they are common in a club. This really surprised me. No wonder they don’t serve alcohol.

·         The clubs Dungeon Masters or safety guards may wear a reflective vest like a school crossing guard. I thought this was rather cute. But they wandered around observing the scenes, especially the RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) scenes for participants not following safety precautions, scenes getting out of hand, not following club rules, etc. They work in shifts so get to “play” after their shift.

·         Subspace is real. I saw a number of participants in deep subspace and have a better understanding of it. More on this in a later post.

·         Wearing of a collar is a sacred thing in the D/s and M/s (Master/slave) relationship like wearing a wedding ring. A collar signifies ownership. The color can have significance too. A light blue one may mean a person is in training, a new relationship. Black used to mean available but is a popular color now for style. Gold and silver means permanent relationship.

Kathy and Dr. Charley Ferrer

Friday Night at Paddles , Intro.

Paddles, http://www.paddlesnyc.com/,  is one of the longest, if not THE longest running BDSM club in the U.S. Was I nervous? Hell, yeah. I knew I’d stick out as a non-player and expected to get a lot of annoyed, rude looks and/or comments. I was afraid they’d look at me as a lurker and gawker. In a way I was, but in a sincere way to learn. I also expected everyone to be dressed in fetish wear—leather, latex creations and a few were but most had club attire, dresses or jeans and tee-shirts/collared shirts. Dressed nice.

Unless you know where you are going, Paddles isn’t easy to find. 250 West 26^th St. between 7^th and 8^th Avenues. It’s an unmarked metal door beneath a Veterinary Clinic sign. When the door is open, the word ‘Paddles’ is marked in black letters on the door.

We walked down a long concrete hallway, then down stairs into a basement. It felt a little creepy because it was dark and musty. At a window we gave our names and got our hand stamped. A gentleman in front of us was new to the club and was given the rules before he was allowed inside—No alcohol allowed, you may watch a scene but not interrupt, nudity is permitted but no sex. No touching unless given permission.

Inside, we passed a small room where you can borrow a toy: flogger, paddle, etc. in exchange for your driver’s license to make sure you’ll bring the toy back. There’s a bar for soft drinks or water.

The walls are made to look and feel like stone in a castle dungeon, the lighting is dark. The club is sectioned off but the rooms are open. There is, however, an area called Pandora that is private. I’ll explain about that in a later post.

When we first entered, we passed the main area by the bar and saw a woman at the far wall. She was naked, her wrists bound overhead and she was getting flogged. She seemed to be enjoying the attention. Victor, who has a warped and sweet sense of humor, gave us a tour. The rooms contained various pieces of Medieval-like furniture with straps or rigging for bondage. A bed with ankle and wrist straps that looked like a rack from the Spanish Inquisition, a split-seat chair with arm restraints, a spanking bench, a large chair for…well use your imagination. A cupboard contained cleaning materials and paper towels for wiping down furniture after use. Just like the gym equipment. J There’s a jail cell too. Other rooms contained St. Andrew’s Crosses, padded tables, hooks in the walls, floors and ceilings.

The one thing I did notice was how friendly, warm and open everyone was. Friday night was a small crowd. A group called DomSub Friends were there. A number of people knew Dr. Charley and knew “the writers” were there too. People would come up and ask, “Are you one of the writers?” And they were more than happy to talk and answer questions. Michael the owner was super. He was so accommodating to us by explaining things and showing us around. He even gave us a tour into the private section of the club called Pandora.

In the next segment of this blog I’ll talk about our tour of Pandora, and knife, needle and fire play.

NOTE: This blog series is about The BDSM Writers Workshop Weekend I attended last August. It was taught by Dr. Charley Ferrer. This blog series will be broken up in four parts:

1. BDSM: Part I - “Whips and Chains Excite Me” (9/12)
2. BDSM: Part II - “Baby Let’s Play Rough”- Part 2 (9/19)
3. BDSM: Part III - “Sweet Dreams are Made of This”- (9/26)
4. BDSM: Part IV - “Master and Servant” (10/3)