Fifty
Shades Impressed
When I came across this article about the blockbuster novel Fifty Shades of Grey I was very impressed with Romkey's interpretation and had to repost this. I agree with her comments especially about the story being about an unhealthy relationship, not a true BDSM relationship. In E.L. James defense though, as far as I know, she never said this story was about a typical BDSM relationship. She wrote a story and struck a nerve, a huge nerve, to the tune of $30 Million so far. And as an author, however, I have to congratulate James for her awesome success. Authors know how difficult it is to write, get our work published and build a career. I think authors, readers and editors should look at her series and, after congratulating her success, see what it was that she did right instead of being so quick to pick apart what she did wrong. Was it the characters that readers fell in love with? Their flaws? Curiousity of what might (but never does) happen? A compelling story? If you read the books, what kept you turning the pages? I recently attended a BDSM workshop and I know those in the BDSM lifestyle aren't happy with the book because they feel the general public will believe their lifestyle is similiar to the abusive/controlling one James portrayed in her books. But the story is fiction, not real. Read it for enjoyment, entertainment, escape, not as a How-to manual.
This article first appeared in the Summer issue of Lovelights, the
newsletter of Romance Writers of Atlantic Canada. Permission to forward with
proper credit given.
First of all let me preface
this by saying I’m extremely jealous of the success and the buckets of money
E.L. James, the author of Fifty Shades of Grey has brought in, so anything I
say could be based on that alone. I’m amazed at the success of this book. The
last I heard it was outselling all other books 300,000 to 1. That’s an insane
statistic. So with all of the hype surrounding this book, I figured as a writer
it was my job to try to see what the fuss was all about, and I bought my
copies.
I’ve read a few articles about
the books, talked with a sex therapist, and watched some fan reviews on
YouTube. From what I’ve read, clearly I’m going to be in the minority here, but
I have to comment on at least two things: the quality of the writing and the
message of the book. Warning: this article contains spoiler alerts.
I won’t go on too much about the quality of
the writing as I don’t think many people who have read it said they have done
so because of the beautiful or stellar writing. I’m halfway through the third
book and am thinking of finishing it as a drinking game, drinking any time I
see: Holy shit, holy crap, oh my, he touched me there, his mouth formed a hard
line, holy hell, and all of the annoying multiple personality talk she has with
her inner goddess and inner subconscious. Of course I’d never finish the book
because I’d be unconscious or die of alcohol poisoning.
I think people are drawn into
the books because of the promise of naughty BDSM and a darkness that makes them
almost have to dare to read the books. The promise of the premise is delivered
in the first one, but the second book, though titled Fifty Shades Darker, well,
isn’t at all. With the mask on the front and the title, I had all sorts of
ideas about where we were going with that and how that masquerade party would
turn out. But that wasn’t delivered on, and the tone of the second books is
actually much lighter and pulls back almost entirely on the BDSM.
The books started out as
Twilight fan fic, which I think, is the initial draw to them. The Twilight
series is over and those avid readers need some place to go. Ana is very much
weak, annoying and clutzy like Bella. Christian is very much haunted with
tussled bronze hair as Edward was. And like Edward to Bella, Christian’s drawn
to Ana for reasons he can’t quite explain nor can the reader. There’s just something
about her.
I saw on Pinterest today a
graphic of the cover of Fifty Shades of Grey that had been captioned, “For men
who are saying women don’t come with an instruction manual, I’ve found one!”
And to that I say, “No, no, no, God no!”
Fifty Shades of Grey is a nice,
fun read if you aren’t expecting great literature. There’s a lot of good sex
scenes, but frankly by the third book I skim over most of them just to get done
with the books which, still a month later I’m forcing myself to finish. Really,
there are hundreds of thousands of other erotica books out there. But please
for the love of all things holy, if the teenage girls who read Twilight are now
reading this and are taking both of those books as a how-to-guide to find
romance, just stop. And if any man or woman thinks that this book is a manual
on how to treat a woman, they need to see Dr. Flynn.
I think most romances have a
core premise that the woman has a need to be saved and the man has a need to be
the protector. We could argue the validity of that, but let’s accept that and
move on. Yes, Fifty Shades has that element.
But if you’re saying that this
book is an instruction manual, you’re saying women desire filthy rich
bazillionaire men who make $100,000/day and that the men have to be smoking
hot. Doesn’t that make us a bit shallow? It also means that women should come
to a relationship pure and virginal only to be played with and corrupted by a
man. While this makes for great mommy porn and fantasy, I hope the creator and
re-pinners of the graphic don’t believe this to be true.
I even go far as to argue, as
do some other articles I’ve read, that this relationship is abusive. I’m not
talking about the spankings as those are part of a drawn out agreed upon
contractual relationship. I’m talking about the emotional abuse. He tells her
when to eat, how much to eat, what to eat, when to pee, if she can drink, if
she can drive her own car, how to wear her hair, what to wear and even states
that in the BDSM relationship, she will experience a freedom in not having to
think about any of those things. So women secretly don’t want to have to think?
He also wants her and pressures
her to give up her entire life for him. This is something I have a major
problem with in romance fiction. Bella? To be with Edward, you have to give up
your mortal life. Ok, let me at it, chomping at the bit to give everything up.
In this one, Christian discourages her relationships with her friends,
discourages her working for anyone other than him, discourages her living on
her own. His control over her life is almost cult-like in it’s totality. Almost
like one of his hostile takeovers.
Any time she actually chooses
to think for herself, he doesn’t approve and sulks and pouts and stomps his
feet to make her regret doing so. She has to defend any of her choices to go
out with friends and then is twisted to feel guilty about it after she
acquiesces to his demands, regretting she ever asked. She doesn’t choose her
own clothes as he has a buyer purchase everything, but when she does buy and
wear something, he gets upset that it’s too skimpy. He basically trains her not
to ask in the first place. After their first fight which occurred when the
spanking got out of hand, he even turns it around on her, blaming her for not
using the safe word even though not only is she new to the BDSM lifestyle, but
to sex in general, again so that she feels guilty. Isn’t that what domestic
abusers do? Make it the victim’s fault?
Not only that, but (spoiler
alert) when she gets her first job out of university, he buys the friggin’
company, so that he can control who she works with, whether she gets promoted
or not, and can throw a hissy when she decides she wants to keep her maiden
name. He’s very concerned about her male boss, so that she has to get his
permission to go to work for him. Her decision. Eventually the boss turns out
to be a scum bag so she can crawl to him, almost literally, and apologize
because Christian was right, and he knows what’s best for her.
There are some other definite
deal breakers that I’d kick him to the curb for. He invites his ex to charity
parties at his parents’ house because they are on good terms now, and he pays
to take care of other ex-submissives, not to mention giving one a bath after
she has a breakdown. Ana is forced to endure things like this on a regular
basis, but is given grief if she wants to go for a drink with her friends.
The most damning of the abuse
evidence I’ve come across so far is when Christian gets mad at her for saying
she won’t go out for a drink with her friends, but then she changes her mind
and doesn’t tell him.
His response to her is, “I want
to punish you. Really beat the shit out of you.” If anyone I was with ever said
that, we’d be fifty shades of finished.
Throughout the book she’s
wondering which personality, which shade of him is going to appear. He’s moody
and goes back and forth in a bi-polar fashion so often, she doesn’t know what
to expect. She’s often anxious about how angry he is going to be and continually
walks on eggshells. That’s not a healthy, loving relationship.
Some people partake in BDSM
relationships and have a healthy sex life. Christian’s need for this comes from
an abusive past (more spoiler alerts) where he chooses to do this to punish
women and act out some sort of sadistic revenge on those who resemble his crack
whore mother. So his sex play is coming from a psychologically messed up place
and whether consensual or not comes off as abusive to me. Not to mention, that
two past women he’s had relationships with who appear in the books (spoiler)
are bat crap crazy. He either draws cray cray to him or he turns women cray
cray. Neither of which showcases functional healthy, loving relationships.
Yes, it’s a fantasy, and yes some of the fan
reviews I’ve seen say that people should get over the controversy because “It’s
just a book!” And while I’m nearly 100% certain E.L. James had no idea that
this book would be this insanely successful, I think there is a responsibility
in writing books. The Bible is also just a book. The Quran. Huckleberry Finn.
Catcher in the Rye. Other books have been controversial, banned and burned
before. Not to put this one in the same category, but to say, “It’s just a
book. If you don’t like it, don’t read it,” isn’t a valid argument, because
millions of others are reading it and are having their ideas shaped by it.
Young impressionable girls are reading it and coming to the conclusion that
this is a life they’d want for themselves. That thinking for themselves is
problematic. That concerns me, for their sakes.
There are some truly romantic
parts in the books that all women would swoon over and some great sex scenes,
but they get to be tedious in the end. And it’s not enough for me to counter
the abuse this man hurls on women. I think there is a dangerous commentary
throughout that says women want to be controlled, don’t want to think for
themselves, and can’t handle living on their own.
There is a power in the written
word that some people take to heart. And the Pinterest graphic intimating that
this is a healthy relationship that all women strive to have is not only
dangerous, but insulting to women. Sure it’d be great to find a super hot,
super rich guy who takes you on romantic fights over Seattle. But if you have to
change who you are, what you think and what you want in life to be with him, is
it worth it? If you want to read this for a mindless erotica romp, then fine,
but please don’t take this as what a perfect romance should really be like and
start biting your lip in public hoping some hot billionaire will want to drag
you into his playroom and show you what true love is.
Shawna Romkey is the author of
Speak of the Devil, coming this fall from Crescent Moon Press. You can find her
at www.shawnaromkey.com.
