In a recent
interview, I was asked whether I thought the BDSM lifestyle and feminism
conflicted.
I thought it would be an interesting topic for discussion. I think there are a
lot of misconceptions about the BDSM, Discipline and Submissive lifestyle that
people might jump to a conclusion that those two—BDSM and Feminism—can’t coexist.
But I completely disagree.
The
BDSM relationship is about CHOICE. When a woman can choose what they want for
themselves whether for work, family, life or sexually they are empowered, they
take control. So yes, I see BDSM and feminism does work both ways. Even if the
woman is a submissive and choses to
give her power to her Dom/master, she has the control to stop the situation at
any time. The relationship in this lifestyle has a deep connection due to the
intimate element of sex, commitment and emotion involved. And it’s all about
making the other person happy, not hurting. There must be complete trust and
complete open communication for this to work.
I’ve
been asked, if I’m a feminist how can I write this?
That seems like an odd
question to me. I never really considered myself a feminist, equality was
always understood. So my definition of
feminism is equality. Simple. Thanks to my mom, I’ve always been an
independent and self-sufficient woman. During my first job after I graduated
college, I was working in a research and development laboratory. I was training
a new guy and found out he had a two year degree and I had a four year degree. I
was also in the middle of a Master’s program for Chemical Engineering. Not that I thought
I was smarter, or thought he didn’t deserved to get paid well. But I found out
he was making thousands of dollars more than I was in his annual salary. So I
brought that up to the boss—in a professional way. I got a big increase in pay.
I
was married young, divorced young (my decision), lived on my own for seventeen
years, bought my own house and was very happy. I had plenty of friends and
boyfriends so I wasn’t lonely and didn’t think I would marry again. But I did. J Sometimes when you
aren’t looking…the right guy shows up. Does that make me a feminist, or an
independent woman?
So
what’s your take on BDSM and feminism? Do they conflict?
4 comments:
Well said Cris. Thanks for your comment.
There's no inherent conflict, but it's always as well to be aware of what you're doing and why, and especially to steer clear of people who suggest that all women are sexually submissive To The Right Man.
I believe they can coexist, though I don't think it always does.
I think you need a strong woman who knows what she wants and is able to articulate it. That's not always the case in BDSM, but it's a good starting point for feminists when examining a Dom/sub relationship. Just because you give over control of a part of your life does not mean you've given over control.
Great points Zak and Crissy. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. :)
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